Eva, Gabe's mom wrote to me about their experience in Washington, last week.
It was so encouraging to see Gabe's eyes light up when he saw or heard something familiar like when we were on a tour of Washington and various excerpts from famous speeches were played - MLK's I Have a Dream speech, JFK, "Ask not what your country can do for you...." But I have to say he also enjoyed the "city" life with the traffic, buses, taxi's, metro, etc. and chasing the pigeons on the lawn of the Natural Museum of History and taking a dip in the reflecting pool (much to my dismay!) I can hear you now, "that's Gabe!" And, of course, he brought back a suitcase FULL of new books! He also got to meet R.L Stine. That was a big thing for him.
After the movie, last Saturday night, a pastor was giving out flyers as we were leaving stating that if you visited their church on Sunday that you could have a FREE copy of the Love Dare. So, my friend and I went on Sunday to get a copy. I could not pass up that give-away. It is so much more than a book to me.
According to a website, this daily devotional steers you through the fiery challenge of developing a strong, committed marriage in a world that threatens to burn it to the ground. The Love Dare personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse.
The 40/40 Prayer Vigil consists of 40 days of prayer from September 24 to November 2, 2008, culminating in 40 hours of around the clock intercession during the last 3 days of the Vigil. The Vigil focuses first on personal spiritual revival. It then covers an expanding circle of prayer concerns, from the church to the nation.
"10 Things I Want My Husband to Know... and How to Tell Him,"is an excellent book. Every chapter will hold your attention. It has pertinent information that wives need to know and then DO. Written by Annie Chapman, a wife of 30 years who uses the scriptures and the lives of other women to provide insight on your OWN marriage. There were several chapters that really touched me personally. The following were:
Chapter 9 : I Respect Him.This is a BIG issue to men. In fact, this chapter is written to the point that you WILL understand how important RESPECT is to a man.
In the book, a brief letter from a husband to his wife clearly states what RESPECT is to him. He writes, the way you have accepted and loved my family and my heritage, the unwavering devotion you have shown to caring for our two children( and now their mates and kids), how you tend to our home and house, and the sweat you have invested in caring for the material things we steward, are signs of your respect for me. Your encouraging comments about the work I do and how you faithfully stand beside me as a co-laborer, your acceptance of the play I enjoy, your carefulness with money and the way you share my disdain for debt-these things tell me you respect me.
Chapter 3: I Am Sexually Available to Him.Wives should not withhold sex from their spouses. It is a commandment from the Word.
Chapter 7: I Will Support and Embrace His Hobbies and Friends. Wives need to support their husbands' hobbies and friends. It is important to men for their wives to spend time with them while they are engaging in their hobbies. It is also important for wives to let their husbands have some solitude. Men need time apart from work and their wives.
It reminds me of my ex-husband wanting me to watch TV with him, ride the four-wheeler with him and other outside activities. But, I was not interested. After reading all this information, I NOW understand the importance of doing this with him. It would have made him feel valued. Also, we need to encourage our husbands to develop and seek friendship with godly men who love God.
Chapter 5: I Admire the Way He Provides for Our Family: The culprit that brings most couples to a divorce is MONEY. Therefore, make an effort as a wife to support your husband in "making a life" and not in making a killing". Help him in any way possible to save money, cut expenses and create financial freedom for the future. Years ago, when a couple purchased a home, it was their intentions to live in that home until they died. However, today, couples are calling them "starter homes". Families have multiple cars and garages. Some spend thousands of dollars on plastic utensils instead of doing the dishes. Not to mention, the cost of eating out. Wives tell your husbands that you appreciate them. And, please work together to control debt. This will alleviate some overspending, emotionally and spiritually neglect. What an insightful chapter this is!
Chapter 2: I Acknowledge Him as the God-Appointed Leader of Our Family: I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter because it discussed submission. Submission is something that a lot of women have a problem with. Yet, this chapter examines that submitting to your husband is actually submitting to God. It means to "serve with a positive motive for the Lord's sake, to voluntarily serve out of a willing spirit. The wife's purpose is to be a helper to her husband. They are to work together as one.
A wonderful illustration in the book is of two horses. The winner horse pulled 4,500 pounds. The first runner-up pulled 4,000 pounds. But when harnessed together the two horses pulled over 12,000 pounds. In the same way, husband and wife are much stronger, more able,and much more profitable when they pull together. It is completely opposite of being enslaved or dominated. It creates order in the family. The order designated by God is not about value or worth but order. As every well-functioning organization has to have a chain of command so does the family.
Make an opportunity to read this book and see how life-changing this will be in your life!
Could you be disrespecting your husband and not know it? Well, very often men feel rejected instead of respected. According to the book, "10 things I Want My Husband To Know...and How to Tell Him," several hundred women were questioned, "What is one thing you do that makes your husband angry?" Their responses were the following:
He hates it when I comment and give an opinion before I know all the facts.
He gets upset when I make him account for money he spends.
My husband hates to go to bed alone. I like to stay up late. This is a source of conflict between us.
He hates it when I give all my effort at work and then neglect the house and bills. He feels like I care more about everyone else than I care about him.
He gets angry when I withhold sex.
He gets upset when I try to control everything, even down to the smallest detail.
In other words, some of these women were DISRESPECTING their husband and not knowing. And, no woman who loves her husband would intentionally do this since they are one flesh. And, we love ourselves.
This bring me to the movie, "The Family That Preys". I saw it twice last week because I enjoyed it so much. Yet, the men that I spoke to about the movie previously to me going did not think it was ALL THAT. I wondered why they said that since Tyler Perry 's movies are always EXCELLENT. All his movies convey powerful messages to the audience that need to be heard. Well, after seeing the movie, I knew why the men felt that way. In this movie, the husband was disrespected by his wife. The husband was a passive, hard working, blue collar worker who loved and trusted his wife. His wife was a college graduate who was very selfish and wanted more wealth than her husband had to offer at that time. So, her longing for more led her to being unhappy at home which led her to committing infidelity. On every Wednesday, she met her lover in a luxurious hotel room. Hoping that he would leave his wife but she got a shocker at the end of the movie. And, the child who was conceived during the marriage was not her husband but her lover. Can you imagine how the husband felt to find this out? Also, she had a secret bank account which had over $250,000 in it...not willing to share. Yet, knowing that her husband was interested in starting a business for the family. She did not allow him to show affection toward her. It just continued...the DISRESPECT throughout the movie. She was tearing her husband down despite him trying to love her and provide for her. She even told him that he was incapable of achieving his dream like owning his own construction business like he desired.
In the movie, there were many scenes that showed disrespect and that bothered me greatly like the wife telling the husband not to talk to anyone at the company's party because she did not want to be embarrassed. Or, the scene where she told him that he could never be like her lover because he was not smart, he stuttered, and did not have a degree. These scenes created many sounds of disbelief among the audience because it was shocking to hear and see-THE TOTAL DISRESPECT that the wife had for the husband.
According to the book, 10 Things I Want My Husband to Know...and How to Tell Him, by Annie Chapman, in one national study, four hundred men were given a choice between going through two different negative experiences. If they were forced to choose one of the following, which would they prefer to endure?
To be left alone and unloved in the world
To feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone
Seventy-four percent of these men said that if they were forced to choose, they would prefer being alone and unloved in the world. For these men, the greater negative experience for their souls to endure would be to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone
Bottom Line: A Man Want To Be Respected and A Wife Should Do This
FIREPROOF is the third feature film from Sherwood Pictures the creators of FACING THE GIANTS and FLYWHEEL. With hope-filled, heartfelt storytelling, the movie making ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church continues to touch the world from Albany, Georgia.
Storyline:
At work, inside burning buildings, Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old fire fighter's adage: Never leave your partner behind. At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules.
Growing up, Catherine Holt always dreamed of marrying a loving, brave firefighter...just like her daddy. Now, after seven years of marriage, Catherine wonders when she stopped being "good enough" for her husband. Regular arguments over jobs, finances, housework, and outside interests have readied them both to move on to something with more sparks.
As the couple prepares to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb's father challenges his son to commit to a 40-day experiment: "The Love Dare." Wondering if it's even worth the effort, Caleb agrees-for his father's sake more than for his marriage. When Caleb discovers the book's daily challenges are tied into his parents' new found faith, his already limited interest is further dampened.
While trying to stay true to his promise, Caleb becomes frustrated time and again. He finally asks his father, "How am I supposed to show love to somebody who constantly rejects me?" When his father explains that this is the love Christ shows to us, Caleb makes a life-changing commitment to love God. And ith God's help he begins to understand what it means to truly love his wife.
But is it too late to fireproof his marriage? His job is to rescue others. Now Caleb Holt is ready to face his toughest job ever...rescuing his wife's heart.
Last year, I attended the two-day "I Promise" marriage seminar with Dr. Gary Smalley in Memphis and enjoyed it thoroughly. I felt sort of uncomfortable going since I was single but after listening to what he had to say the first night, I knew that I needed to be there. This was something that I could apply in my life immediately with my family and friends. What raised my level of interest was his discussion about the five levels of communication. I had never heard this before. It revealed to me that I did not go through these levels with my spouse. We lacked much in the communication area. You think you know someone because you dated for years before you married. But, there is more to a marriage than the wedding day, living together, having children, going to social events together, etc. Communication is required to keep intimacy in the relationship. According to the book, Secrets to Lasting Love, the five levels of intimate communication are the following:
Sharing cliches with each other:This is surface talk. You are engaging in almost meaningless chatter. For instance, "Hey, how are you, how are you doing?", asks one spouse, "Okay, great, no problem," replies the other. Guess what, you can do this with a stranger so make an effort to do more in your relationship.
Sharing facts with each other: You are talking about the weather, the office, what's going on with your friends. This is safe talk because it is not requiring no deep breathing, thinking, or feeling. Guess what, you can do this with a stranger so make an effort to do more in your relationship.
Sharing opinions with each other.This includes discussing individual opinions, concerns, and expectations. This is where conflict occurs because of the differences in opinions, concerns, and expectations. The conflict normally comes from the differences in the upbringing. At this level, the relationship is vulnerable.
Did you know that most couples only get to the second and third level of communication?
Sharing your deepest and truest feeling with each other. At this level, you help each other feel safe to share your deepest thoughts and emotions. There is an understanding between the two of you that efforts will be made to listen to one another.
Sharing your most important relational NEEDS with each other.This is the deepest level of communication that can be achieved in a relationship. You feel safe with this person to reveal your unique needs with each other.
This information was profound to ME. It helped me get through some of my troubled friendships. So, regardless if it is a romantic or no-romantic relationship, the way to get to know someone is through communication. Communicators need to be open and honest with one another...not afraid to reveal who they are to each other.
Do these names mean anything to you? These are personality types that we all have. I never knew which one I was until reading this book. Well, actually, a friend had been discussing this with me because of our constant disagreements and it was completely foreign to me. This is what led to the reading of this book. The result was that I was amazed to find out so much about myself and others. It revealed to me why I am so bothered by some people and why I just get along so well with others.
Moreover, this book revealed to me how to deal with other personalities successfully. And, how I would be as a parent, co-worker, friend, and even my EMOTIONS based upon my personality. Also, I liked the examples of problems that were given and then the solutions on how to handle them. And, these solutions were great. In my opinion, they created respect and boundaries between the parties.
The self-test in this book revealed that I am a Choleric/Phlegmatic person. I agree because for years I have been goal-oriented and not easily discouraged. And, I am a very peaceful, easygoing and relaxed person.
However, I must admit though that I have become balanced in some areas that does not characterize a Phlegmatic person. Growing into a mature person, I have revolved into a more balanced person which reflects some characteristics of a Melancholy and a Sanguine as well. For instance, I am making efforts to keep home in good order (cleaning), sacrifice own will for others , have a sense of humor and be cheerful despite whatever.
Take the on-line test and find out what your personality type is!
I do appreciate you visiting my blog. I am sure that you can tell that I enjoy reading books on relationships. It does not matter if it is about a single or married person. If you know of any books that are written by a Christian author, please refer it to me. I hope that you will read something in the blog that will inspire you.
Continue viewing my blog and give me your honest feedback on my postings.
Gabe's Day as President!!!!!
